To the man at the Redbox, thank you. I have no idea how long you saw me fiddle with the machine nor do I know what spurred your compliment. What you didn’t see is that it was my second trip to that same machine. I had tried when we entered the store, but the kids who left their manners at home couldn’t sit still long enough for me to pick something because the Lego Movie was out again, so I gave up and rushed in to grab the few things I needed all the while wishing I had left them at home. Home, where I should’ve been motivated enough to cook a meal instead of running up to grab something some hourly waged worker had prepared. I stood with my hair pulled up to battle the humidity and sweat from cleaning a house all morning. Hours of really just cleaning behind children attempting to “help”. Eventually as I sat on my knees scrubbing baseboards realizing it would never be good enough for our move out checklist I contemplated a maid service.
What you likely didn’t notice was the pint of Ben & Jerry’s I intended to sulk in bed and eat alone tonight because of a million factors that make me feel stressed and minimized. You didn’t note that I am the heaviest I’ve been in my life and while I’m so disgusted about it my life is so chaotic right now I hardly have the energy to think of doing anything about it let alone actually acting on the desire to change it right now. I said “huh?” because the words were so foreign to me and I hardly recognized them as words that apply. But you took a minute to not only say them, but repeat them. I wear a ring and with kids in tow I can only assume you are a brother, father, friend etc that understands when a random frazzled woman needs to hear something affirming. And it was incredibly nice and almost brought me to tears sitting in my car. I have rarely given any thought to anyone noticing me as I wonder through my day to day bubble and yet someone did and took the moment just to say “you’re beautiful”. And I can’t help but ponder God knew I needed to hear something today to make me feel better for all my failures and frustrations of the day. That when I struggle to hear his words be finds a louder voice.